Forgiveness. What an ugly word?

You might think we, as Americans (not to mention citizens of the Kingdom of God) believe forgiveness to be a dirty word.  I say that, because it seams like every time I bring it up to students, peers, or even my elders, I get some snide comment, or a look of derision that would suggest that either the person I’m talking to is “above” forgiving others, or that the offense they have endured is to heinous to let go.  It’s almost as though we have conditioned ourselves to hold grudges, in order that we wont be hurt again.  But there’s nothing that would suggest that if you become a bitter old bag of wind, that you would never be hurt again.  On the contrary, when bitterness builds inside you, hurt will eventually be all you can feel. 

Forgiveness is a hard thing, but that doesn’t make it a bad thing.  We have been given a mandate to forgive, and as believers we must begin to share this discipline with others, in order that we are able to receive forgiveness. (Matthew 6:12)

The first step, for me, in forgiveness was when I admitted to a close friend that I had made some serious mistakes while I was in my former church. 

-I admitted that a number of issues that had come up had not been in my job description, but I tried to handle them anyway.  (See ‘Don’t Fight the Pastor’s Battles…’) 

Regardless of my justification of these activities in the past, I know now that I never should have been involved. 

-I admitted that I had failed my church, by failing in my personal walk with the Lord. 

From big to small, I had allowed the evil one to creep in and lie to me.  I entertained notions that he gave to me about my value, and how important I was to the church.

-I admitted that I had failed…that I had come up short… 

This was a HUGE struggle, but brought with it, the greatest sense of relief.  I am amazed how liberating it has been for me, now that I’m not trying to figure out how to blame someone else for all the stuff that went wrong. 

Forgiveness takes humility, and admitting that you are as culpable as the next person for the failures of your church is a great place to start.  When we rest in the Lord, and when we take time to be healed, we have to start by ending the war that many of us are waging against others in the church. 

Sharing forgiveness starts when you realize you are also in need of forgiveness…

Dude...UNPLUG!

This is the hardest thing that I have had to learn to do in regards to taking a day off.  It is also the thing that I am continuing to struggle with as I attempt to reserve time for my growing family.  As ironic as it may be to blog about taking time away from our electronic devices, it doesn’t change the fact that your computer, tablet, phone, MP3 player, or even the television can distract you from what is most important in you life.

More often than not, those of us who are in ministry, or even those who are not, are knit so tightly to our electronic devices, that we lose sight of the wonderful experience of interacting with our families.  If we were to get practical about this, like we did in the last post, I think you should take a few moments (before your coffee break) to tidy up your electronic work place so that you can really allow yourself to engage your spouse and children.

-Power Down All Devices.

            WHAAAAAAATTTTTT????

Yes, I mean power them down.  Don’t put them to sleep. Don’t put them on silent. Don’t even put them on something dumb like Airplane mode, because when you take these half-measures with your rest, you will never really be letting them go.  If you have done all that you needed to do throughout your workweek to set up the time you are taking off, then you have no need to be ready for that text, email, or even phone call. 

*Remember

-Your coworkers are not as important as your family is.

-It can wait a few hours. (Whatever “it” is.)

-Your thoughts on twitter, facebook, instagram, etc. are not as important as you think they are…

-The world will go on spinning if you don’t check your email. 

(If you disagree with any of these things, you have a serious problem, and you need to get serious help…I mean it, get help!)

-Talk to Your Family.

Yes, there is a thing called verbal communication and even if your child is 3 months old, he/she needs you to talk to them.  Read a book together, play a game, talk about THEIR week, or even tell them how much you have missed them through the past few days.  Talk about your trials and triumphs as a family, plan a vacation, or even discuss what you want for dinner and go to the store, buy the food, then cook it together, and even clean up for your wife!!!

(If you haven’t figured this out, its kind of easy to get rolling once you, turn off the stuff that distracts you.)

-Eat Together.

            I don’t care if its just a bowl of cereal…eat it at the table, together. 

-Make Memories…do stuff.

Eventually, you will start to love this time with your family, and you will get excited about what you are able to do with it.  Then, the only precaution I would give you is, don’t do too much.  Take time to rest, not just see every attraction in your local area.  Playing in the back yard with your kids is just as important as Disneyland.  (Don’t tell Michael Eisner about that, I’m not sure he’d react well to that kind of nonsense…I hear he has a lot of time on his hands these days.)

In short, make time for your kids, make time for your wife, let you family know that you are not at work, and make sure they notice the lack of wires, devices, and subsequent radiation protruding from your body as you do it. 

Unplug from the virtual world, and engage the real world…if only for one day.

If I Dont Work, What Do I Do?

One of the better questions I had to answer when I started the process of allowing myself to be healed is, “What do I do when I don’t work?”  Wisely using your down time to recover from the week, and engaging your family, is a difficult, but exciting discovery process.  The question you have to answer first is, “How long has it been since you did nothing?”

Nothing is a hard thing to do, but for a short period of time on your day off, you should really try it.  And when I say that you should try to do NOTHING, that’s exactly what I mean.  It is more therapeutic than you might thing, but the process of secluding yourself from outside influences for a short period of time, can be a great way to decompress from the workweek, and make yourself ready for family and/or friends.  It is also a great way to help you reflect on yourself.  Not thinking about work, schedules, or other responsibilities, but simply focusing on your current state of being.  (All hippie references aside, finding yourself at peace once a week is a wonderful salve for the scars that the world has inflicted.)

If you don’t know how you are going to do this whole “nothing” thing, may I suggest that you:

-Begin the day about 30 minutes later than you usually do. 

Studies have shown that sleeping in more than 30-45 minutes on your day off makes the next week much harder on you.

-Make sure you have discussed your “nothing” time with your spouse.

Your spouse should be your biggest advocate in this time, and should help to guard these few minutes each day by shielding you from possible “Nothingness Corrupters” like, children, phone calls, and music television…

-Get a large cup of your favorite breakfast beverage.

This is far more practical than you might think.  The consumption of a nice hot beverage in the morning can help you to begin the day, increase blood flow, and most importantly, drinking this beverage will help you to meter your “nothingness” time.  Not to long, not to short, just right…

-Find a quite place and meditate on how AWESOME our God is!

If there is any single thing that I have learned throughout this process, and throughout the few years I do have on this earth, it is that my God has never failed me.  Not once.  Not kind of.  Not a little bit.  Not at all.  He has always been there for me, and when I reflect on who he is, and what he has done for me, I am far more able to rejoice for the rest of the day.  NO devotion material!  No great sermons from great pastors! There is another time for all that.  
Simply bask in the glory that is our Wonderful God!!!

-When its over, its over…till next week.

Don’t dawdle, don’t start to plan your week out, don’t try to figure out how your neighbor got their lawn to look like that, and definitely don’t abuse the grace of your spouse who is probably waiting on you by now.  When the cup is empty, engage your family. 

There is nothing about this plan that is magic, not is there only one way to do nothing.  This is simply a way to start.  Make it your own.  Make it work for you and your family.  Make it happen.  In a few weeks, though, you will begin to ask yourself how you ever functioned without some time alone…and the truth probably is, you didn’t.